To add to my misery she is also hitting and throwing things at me frequently. Let me just take you on the journey of our day so you can understand.
While on the phone, I am continually being whipped with her blankie. So I get off the phone and give her attention. She wants me to paint. I do and she starts flinging the paint at me. I try to watch videos with her, she hits me 6 times. It is now time for lunch. She says that she wants me to eat with her. I make two plates of food and we sit down together. She asks for some salsa and then takes her tortilla with salsa on it and smears it all over the wall. I then make her help me clean it up and she starts putting chips in her milk. So, I move the milk away from her and she throws her tortilla at my head.
Rest assured that there are lots of time-outs in between all this drama but after the last one time-out I go upstairs to try to do the whole "show forth an increase of love" thing. I tell Ella that I love her and she says "Do you?" I say "yes" and she says "But I make you sad?" At this moment I feel like I suck.
It is then time for nap...she decides to inform me that she is too big for a nap and apparently she meant it because she didn't take one. So, when I am supposed to be having a break from her she instead hits and throws things at me. We also have a little conversation during this time where she says that she wants to move back to our old house because Daddy was there and Rayna lived closer and she got to play with Isaac and Elliot.
Make no mistake about it. I feel bad for Ella. I really thought that after 9 months she would have stopped asking to move back but she still asks everyday about it and I wish I could figure out a way for her to see the good in being here. I also know that things have really been changing around here to get ready for a new baby and that this is hard on her. I know people say lots of kids have a hard adjustment to a new baby but what I need is to know how to get through this.....
So, do any of you out there in the world of blogging have any ideas.....please...
8 comments:
Not long after Ruth was born, James and Dan started a weekly swim class together. That was just the two of them. Even if you wanted to do something free, maybe Ella and Chris could have a weekly date? Or each of you could? Something really one on one? A small step...
If you ever need a break, feel free to send Ella over to our house. Naomi loves having playmates.
i wish i had some advice. we're going through very similar things right now. just wait until you're feeding New Baby and she hits and kicks and you can't do much. it's super fun.
:(
hang in there. it WILL pass. it has to. right?!
ps - move to texas
You and her are welcome to come over anytime. I am so sorry. Please let me know if you even want us to come and get her for a play date. You are doing a good job. Keep it up! I am not looking forward to that stage.
Ella is exhibiting normal frustrations that she needs to get out. There may not even be one concrete reason for it. Perhaps you could think about buying her some purposefully aggressive toys that use action, such as sports stuff. If she's a hugely aggressive person you don't want to just repress it, but get it out in some useful way. You can teach her what is okay to hit and what to use to hit instead of hitting you with anything anytime she feels like it. Some kids need that daily active physical stuff to get that out of their body.
Another thing is to really let her know how serious her aggressiveness is towards you. She is not getting the message that it's not okay. It's hard to be stern but it's better to be stern and give really meaningful consequences than to get angry which at some point is going to happen if she's doing those things, right? She may even be feeding off of your frustration with her! So if you're giving her consequences make sure they are "big" enough but not harsh so that she will begin to think twice about her actions.
My rule is that if a child hits me with something they lose it for the day PERIOD and if they hit me with it again they lose it FOREVER. If they hit you with something that does not belong to them you can warn them that you will take something of theirs instead. That really gets their attention!
I hope this helps a little!
Good luck!
Kira! Do you remember me? I'm Sarah Porter (now Harward) from BG like 10+ years ago! I found your blog through Cindy's, through Rachel Deigle, thru facebook or something like that! You're little family is so cute!! Your little girl reminds me SO much of my Landon, my first. He was all spunk. He was CONSTANTLY naked (around 3 we convinced him undies weren't optional) and I remember being so mad at who ever coined the phrase 'terrible twos' because although the twos were hard, they were NOTHING compared to the Threes! Boy! He's now 5 and is my favorite (don't tell my other two I said that! My favorite changes on a daily basis!) It keeps life interesting, that's for sure! I'm excited to have found this and to have been able to see how you're doing! Feel free to check out our family blog. It's nothing too amazing, but it's my life!!
I'm with Crazy. Stern is good. It is NOT acceptable to hit Mommy. Instant consequence, stern voice, etc. It sounds like you've put up with far more hitting than I would be willing to (or have the patience to, frankly). Maybe have an even-voiced discussion at a separate time about how it's not OK to hit. And try to balance it out with some extra attention (at a different enough time that it's not connected in Ella's mind).
One suggestion: Distinguish between Ella and her actions. Let her know that she doesn't make you sad, it's her choice to hit you that makes you sad. (I suspect that's really what she's learning to distinguish when she asks if you love her even though she makes you sad. So don't feel bad. But do try to make it explicit.) Encourage her by telling her you know she can make good choices.
And I agree with Crazy that Ella might benefit from some periods of physical activity each day. It's the only way we've kept our daughter sane all these years.
Silver lining: It seems like at least she's telling you what she's going to do before she does it.
I'm so happy for you guys!!! The little guy is a doll and Ella is quite the young lady now.
Congratulations to you guys!!
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